Don’t Let Boys Take Your Stuffed Animals & Other Lessons Learned

Stuffed animals are amazing. They’re reassuring, comforting, and they remind of us hugs and kisses and our childhood. My favorite kind of stuffed animal is any form of Hello Kitty. I have an irrational love of Hello Kitty. The mouthless, fashionable cat just really resonates with me for some reason. She’s cute and always goes on the best adventures. When I turned 10, a friend bought me my first Hello Kitty stuffed animal. She wore a plaid skirt and a blue winter sweater and I loved her. So of course, when I went to college at the age of 17, I brought her with me.

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Demand More

When I was in high school, Gossip Girl was the show every girl in my grade was watching. My friend Julie and I would discuss every headband worn, every party attended, and every scheme gone wrong the day after the episode aired. It was our drug. And of course, there was no greater topic to analyze than the relationship of Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass. Every time it seemed like these two got it together, some crazy event would happen that would break them apart again (including, but not limited to, Chuck getting shot, Blair getting pregnant by a prince, and Chuck accidentally on purpose killing his father). My 16­year-­old suburban brain ate it up. How glamorous, how cool, how New York!

My next obsession came in the form of a little show named Sex & The City. (as you guys know by now) I started watching the show in college, as I was much too young to watch when it originally aired (I was 11 when the show ended in 2004). Yet again, I was sucked into another complex and crazy relationship. Big got married! Then he was cheating on his wife with Carrie! Then Carrie moved to Paris with that Russian guy when she really wanted to be with Big! Then in the Sex & The City movie, Big left Carrie at the altar. But it was all ok in the end because he got her a really big closet. *swoon*. I often half joked about finding my own Big, all while erasing all mentions of all of the crappy stuff he did.

The last straw came in the form of a book. A best­selling book. A book that launched a movie series, it’s own S&M kit, and inspired housewives all around the globe. You know what I’m talking about. 50 Shades of Grey. I started reading the book during my junior year of college and I could not have been more enthralled with the mysterious Christian Grey. I wanted him. I needed him. I deserved him. But then I read the other two books. And let’s just say, I started singing a different tune. Christian wouldn’t let Ana go out with her friends. Christian wouldn’t let Ana get drunk if she wanted to. Christian didn’t even trust Ana enough to go visit her own mother without barging in on the trip. Was this love? Was this what little girls should be dreaming of? Was this what ANYONE should be dreaming of?

As recent college grad who still doesn’t know what exactly a 401k is, I don’t claim to know everything about love. But what these shows and books depicted as love often isn’t healthy or happy. How many times did we see Ana, Carrie, and Blair weeping over their men, only to go back to them after a shrug of the shoulders and a cocktail. My request of all women? Let’s demand more. Demand more from your significant others. Demand more from the producers and writers that release these films and books. We deserve characters that treat each other like human beings, not rag dolls without emotion. Love doesn’t hurt. And it shouldn’t have to.

 

Photo credit – Eonline

 

 

 

 

If You Could Only See, The Beast You’ve Made of Me

Hello everyone and welcome to our next episode of Loves Lost! If you’ve been following the series thus far, you’ll remember the time I fucked over a really good guy, the time I was dating an alcoholic, and the time I clogged a guy’s toilet. Good times. This post is going to be about the time I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. Just a warning: it’s not pretty.

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I Think I’m the One

If you’ve been reading my loves lost posts, you’ll know that I’ve been doing these because I’ve been single for a while. And when I say single, I mean single. I haven’t dated, “talked”, hooked up, or done anything romantic with anyone for about 2 years. While there are certainly times I certainly wish I was with someone (like the times I want to Netflix and chill), I’ve been pretty happy being single.

It seems like being single for any extended period of time for a woman is like a death sentence, and you’re destined to be an old hag, a spinster or a crazy cat lady. I’m only 23 and relatives often bring up how I’ll be getting married soon. (to whom, I wonder). I’m not ready for marriage, and I’m honestly not even really ready for a long-term relationship at this point in my life. I’ve been so focused on getting my career started, and even after I’m settled with a stable job, I don’t see myself hopping into a relationship.

I want to LIVE. I’m not saying that people in relationships aren’t living, but there’s a certain freedom that comes with being single. If I decide I want to move to Peru tomorrow, I can do that. If I decide to dye my hair green, I don’t have to ask my significant other if he’ll like it. My life is mine and solely mine. There will be a time when I want to settle down, but for right now I’m fine being just me.

With that being said though, I wouldn’t mind dating. Dating as in, going out to dinner or to the movies or to a museum. Just kind of hanging out with someone (I’m aware of how juvenile “hanging out” sounds, and I’m sorry. Haha) I definitely don’t want to be a recluse, or someone who shys away from any kind of contact with the opposite sex, but I want to keep it casual. Men are often allowed this kind of freedom, but when a women says she doesn’t want anything serious, she’s suddenly “loose” with “no morals.” I reject this stance, and plan to live my life the way I see fit. And who knows, I could get into a relationship tomorrow. Life is funny that way.

Are you guys in relationships, or taking it slow like I am? Comment below!

Xoxo,

Témi

 

You Have to Forgive Me

I haven’t spoken much about my dating life because frankly, there’s nothing to say right now. I spent my last year in a fog, and this year I’ve been focusing on my career. And finding friends. Finding friends is more important to me than finding a man. But one does have needs.

So until I have something juicy to report, I will be regaling you guys with tales of loves lost.

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