On Tuesday, November 8th, I woke up at 6:30 am to go vote. I dressed in black (my signature), with a hint of my white t-shirt peeking out under my sweatshirt. I drove to the polling place with my family, and casted my vote for Hillary Rodham Clinton. As exited the building, the excitement and emotional power of the moment overtook me. I just voted for a woman. For president. A WOMAN. I had never thought I would see such a moment in my lifetime. First a black president, then a woman? This is the progress America is all about, I thought to myself.

I took a nap, did some busy work, and caught up on the Real Housewives, occasionally checking in on the election results. A little before 9 I went to go sit with my parents as the rest of the results came in. For some reason, the second I looked at the tv I had a sinking feeling. I just…knew something was wrong. Hillary had won all of the states she was predicted to win, but a lot of the swing states were too close to call. I had envisioned not a landslide, but a pretty early win for her. As the night wore on, I sunk deeper and deeper into the couch (and into sadness tbh). I watched as the dreams of the presidency slipped away for Hillary. I watched as Trump supporters in NYC learned that their candidate would in fact be president. I watched as people of all genders and colors and identities weeped at what was supposed to be Hillary’s victory party.

Today’s blog post was supposed to be a review of a nail polish I bought, but I couldn’t do that in light of last night’s events. I’m honestly surprised that I’ve been able to put this post together. I have a feeling of sadness,  of dread, of fear that I’ve never felt when it comes to this country. Disgusting, frightening things have happened in America in the 23 years that I’ve been alive, but to know that the presidency is going to someone who is so violently sexist, racist, homophobic, and xenophobic has left me breathless. As a black female child of immigrant, does my life, and the life of other minorities, mean so little to those who support Trump’s rhetoric?

Hillary was a capable, qualified woman who would have been treated the presidency with the respect that it deserves. I hope she realizes that there was nothing more she could do; there are some people out there that just don’t want a woman in the White House. And I’ll be honest – this election has made me realize just how much adversity I will face because of my gender. But this cannot defeat us. Today is a dark day and we should be given the space to grieve for this loss. Be sad, mad, and whatever other emotions that we feel. But then let us rebuild. Let us rethink. Let us try our hardest so that something like this never happens again.

Xoxo,

Témi

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