I’ve recently lost 2 very close friends, and it’s made me look back on all of my friendships. For some reason, my relationship with my friends has been as turbulent as my past relationships. I seem to always be the one who cares the most, who gives more, and who gets the short end of the stick. I envy people with squads, people who gave a group of ppl to celebrate their birthday with, to go to brunch with. Part of the reason I’m so obsessed with Sex and the City is because of the amazing friendship between the girls.
I haven’t always had shitty friends. Up until I moved the summer before 7th grade, I was friends with pretty much everyone in my class at my small Catholic school, and I had a great group of best friends. I even had a brief brush with popularity when I ran for (and won) vice president of the school in 5th grade. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be. When I moved to a new city in the 7th grade, it was my first time attending public school after a lifetime wearing uniforms in private school. I didn’t know how to dress, who to talk to, and was generally just an awkward mess. I was lost in the large middle school, both physically and emotionally.
The girl who was assigned to help me around the first couple weeks of school introduced me to her friends. Melody* was a lot cooler than me, and she knew it. When I asked for her number, she told me she didn’t give it out because “the people who were meant to have it already had it.” For some reason, she still hung out with me, and I thought she was my friend. The last straw came when she gave a note (remember passing notes?) that I had given to her, to my crush. In the note, I talked about just how much I liked him and how cute I thought he was. I was mortified. By the end of that year, I wasn’t friends with Melody anymore, and the one friend that I did have, deserted me as well.
In 8th grade, I actually made some real genuine friends that I was friends with pretty much all throughout high school. However, when I was in high school I noticed that I had a good number of friends, but we weren’t a GROUP. I was friends with people, but they weren’t friends with each other, which meant I often hung out with one friend with their friend group, then hung out with another friend and their friend group. It was nice, but I still didn’t have that ~squad~ feeling.
By the time I went to college, I was only talking to about 2 or 3 of my former high school classmates. Not due to fights or anything, but just drifting apart. Buttt my dream came true and my squad goals were finally achieved. I fell in very quickly with 3 other girls and we did everything together. Classes, dining hall, parties. By sophomore year this had all fallen apart (LOL). I spent the rest of college with a couple friends, but most of those friendships fizzled out by graduation.
So now we are at the present day. Obviously, a year of unemployment and barely leaving the house will not lead to many new friendships. Luckily, the environment at my first internship was amazing, and I made some great friends, but unfortunately I don’t see them too often. I’ve been struggling with feeling lonely and trying to branch out more.
I’ve been using Bumble BFF in order to try and meet some new ppl (I strongly recommend this app btw!) I do feel kind of pathetic that I’m trying to make new friends at this stage in my life, but it’s never too late to meet new people and make connections. Plus, the characters on Sex and the City didn’t meet until their 20’s/30’s 😉.
Have you had any trouble with your friends? Are you trying to make new ones? Comment below!
*names have been changed to protect the innocent. And myself, from a lawsuit.