If You Could Only See, The Beast You’ve Made of Me

Hello everyone and welcome to our next episode of Loves Lost! If you’ve been following the series thus far, you’ll remember the time I fucked over a really good guy, the time I was dating an alcoholic, and the time I clogged a guy’s toilet. Good times. This post is going to be about the time I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. Just a warning: it’s not pretty.

Continue reading


Review – Beautyblender micro.mini pro

I have always wanted a beauty blender but the cheapo in me wouldn’t let me buy a sponge for $20. After I (finally) got a paid internship, I decided to bite the bullet and buy one. My face desperately needed the expert blending that only the beauty blender could provide.

As I was looking on the Sephora site, I noticed they had 2 micro mini beauty blenders for $18. The regular size beauty blender is $20. I decided to buy the smaller ones because I thought it would be a better deal.

After buying the product, I looked at more pictures of the micro mini and realized that they’re small. Like reallyyyy small. I was kind of freaking out and wondered if my cheapness had led me to make the wrong choice.

The beauty blenders arrived 2 days later (Sephora has super fast shipping, I’m impressed!), and I was pleasantly surprised. Although this beauty blender is pretty small, when you moisten it with water or setting spray, as you’re supposed to, it gets bigger and is the perfect size for undereye concealing and contouring/highlighting. I do think it’s a tad too small to use for foundation.

This is how the micro mini looks when dry (the one on the left), and wet (the one on the right). The one on the right looks a little discolored because of my concealer.


It is a little hard, holding something of such a small size, but you get used to it. As for how it works, it blends everything super fast, with no harsh edges. Just use a bouncing motion over what you want blended.

I’m glad I bought the micro mini, but I may buy the regular size beauty blender later so I can use it for foundation.

I give this product 5/5 stars.



Review – Tony Moly My Little Pet Eye Patch

I have dark circles and puffiness under my eyes and I absolutely hate it. Even when I get enough sleep, I still have some darkness. I decided to buy the Tony Moly My Little Pet Eye Patch after seeing it on a list of best products for undereyes. Also, I’ve wanted to try Korean beauty products for a while, so this was perfect.

I first tried the patches on Sunday night. This is what they look like



The packaging is so cute, and the image on the front is of a hamster wearing the eye patches. The patches stay on very well, with no slip, which I was afraid of because I was going to be moving around while I wore them. I did experience some burning because I accidentally got some of the product in my eye because I placed the patch too close to my waterline. So don’t do that! (lol).

I wore the patches for 30 minutes, as it says on the package, then when I took them off I rubbed the remaining product into my skin. I noticed no difference at all. The next morning (Monday), I wore the patches for 15 minutes then took them off. Again, no difference. But as I checked my face during the day, it almost seemed as if my undereyes looked….worse? My bags were more pronounced and the color was weird looking. I was a little upset, but determined to keep on trying. On Tuesday night, I stored the patches in the fridge, so by Wednesday morning they were cold. I put them on my eyes for 15 minutes, and after taking them off I did notice a difference in puffiness, and my undereye area looked better throughout the day.

One thing I will say is that I am not totally sure if the patches are meant to be used more than once. The package doesn’t say so, but in most of the reviews that I saw, the person used the patches more than once.

I didn’t really see any real difference in my undereye. They didn’t de-puff and didn’t really get any lighter. But for some reason, I am still interested in the Tony Moly brand (is it the cute packaging? the cheap prices?), and I would love to try a different product from them.

I give this product 2/5 stars.



Review – Blue Apron

Hi guys! This post is going to be about my experience with the food delivery website Blue Apron. My friend sent me a free week of deliveries, and I decided to try it out.

To get your free week, you have to sign up and enter your debit/credit card information, but if you cancel in time (more on that later), you won’t be charged at all. After I signed up, I chose what kind of deliveries I wanted. For the 2-person plan, it’s 3 meals per week, and each meal is 2 servings. That costs $59.94. For the family plan, you can get 2 meals per week, with a serving size of 4, and the price is $69.92 OR you can get 4 meals a week, with a serving size of 4. This plan costs $139.84. I chose the 2-person plan, but looking back, I think the $69.92 family plan is more cost-effective.

You’re able to customize the meals. You choose what kinds of meat you do/don’t like, and there are vegetarian options as well. I am a pretty picky eater, so I only had chicken, beef, and fish as my choices, and I even almost unpicked the fish. You can also choose when you want the meals to be delivered. I chose to have them delivered on Tuesday, because that’s my day off. Also, if you’re going to be away or just don’t want a meal that week, you can skip the week(s).

For my week, I chose Za’atar Chicken Burgers & Oven FriesCrispy Cod & Summer Squash, & Zucchini & Cherry Tomato Quiche. Tbh I was only excited about the chicken burgers, but that’s no fault of Blue Apron, I’m just super picky.

The meals were delivered on Tuesday morning, and every box comes with ice packs so if you’re not home, the food won’t spoil. It was a pretty big box, and I was pretty surprised at how much food was in there. Literally every single ingredient that you need for the meal was included.

I started cooking with my mom later in the afternoon. It was a tad rough at the beginning, but that’s just because I’m not used to measuring and cutting EVERY SINGLE THING. On the recipes that came in the box, it said prep time was 15 minutes, but honestly, our prep time was honestly closer to like 25 minutes. But the recipes are very detailed, and lay out the steps nicely. You’ll be cooking different parts at the same time though, so be sure to keep an eye out and don’t forget that you have something on the stove while you’re prepping other parts of your meal. I LOVED that all of the ingredients are fresh and the meat is raised antibiotic and hormone. When I cut into the parsley and mint, I could smell how fresh it was. I’m definitely going to try and start buying better and fresher food.

The chicken burgers were great, and I actually liked the cod, but I didn’t eat any of the quiche. My mom said it was good. My only real issue with the food is that the 2 servings are pretty small. The quiche was a good size, and the cod could probably work if you weren’t super hungry that day (LOL). The burger was a little on the small side for me personally, and I ate them both for lunch the next day. But I just may have a huge stomach haha.

Ultimately, I chose to cancel my subscription after my free week ended, but this is mostly because 1. I was broke, 2. My mom does grocery shopping for the house, and 3. I am way too picky of an eater and wouldn’t want to waste food. I definitely feel like if you live on your own, this would be great. Plus, the convenience of having the meals delivered to your house is amazing. In the future, I will definitely consider renewing my subscription, even it’s just for one or two times a month. Plus, the meals coming up look yummy. Check them out here.

I give Blue Apron 4.5/5 stars.



A Friend Indeed 

I’ve recently lost 2 very close friends, and it’s made me look back on all of my friendships. For some reason, my relationship with my friends has been as turbulent as my past relationships. I seem to always be the one who cares the most, who gives more, and who gets the short end of the stick. I envy people with squads, people who gave a group of ppl to celebrate their birthday with, to go to brunch with. Part of the reason I’m so obsessed with Sex and the City is because of the amazing friendship between the girls.

I haven’t always had shitty friends. Up until I moved the summer before 7th grade, I was friends with pretty much everyone in my class at my small Catholic school, and I had a great group of best friends. I even had a brief brush with popularity when I ran for (and won) vice president of the school in 5th grade. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be. When I moved to a new city in the 7th grade, it was my first time attending public school after a lifetime wearing uniforms in private school. I didn’t know how to dress, who to talk to, and was generally just an awkward mess. I was lost in the large middle school, both physically and emotionally.

The girl who was assigned to help me around the first couple weeks of school introduced me to her friends. Melody* was a lot cooler than me, and she knew it. When I asked for her number, she told me she didn’t give it out because “the people who were meant to have it already had it.” For some reason, she still hung out with me, and I thought she was my friend. The last straw came when she gave a note (remember passing notes?) that I had given to her, to my crush. In the note, I talked about just how much I liked him and how cute I thought he was. I was mortified. By the end of that year, I wasn’t friends with Melody anymore, and the one friend that I did have, deserted me as well.

In 8th grade, I actually made some real genuine friends that I was friends with pretty much all throughout high school. However, when I was in high school I noticed that I had a good number of friends, but we weren’t a GROUP. I was friends with people, but they weren’t friends with each other, which meant I often hung out with one friend with their friend group, then hung out with another friend and their friend group. It was nice, but I still didn’t have that ~squad~ feeling.

By the time I went to college, I was only talking to about 2 or 3 of my former high school classmates. Not due to fights or anything, but just drifting apart. Buttt my dream came true and my squad goals were finally achieved. I fell in very quickly with 3 other girls and we did everything together. Classes, dining hall, parties. By sophomore year this had all fallen apart. I spent the rest of college with a couple friends, but most of those friendships fizzled out by graduation.

So now we are at the present day. Obviously, a year of unemployment and barely leaving the house will not lead to many new friendships. Luckily, the environment at my first internship was amazing, and I made some great friends, but unfortunately I don’t see them too often. I’ve been struggling with feeling lonely and trying to branch out more.

I’ve been using Bumble BFF in order to try and meet some new ppl (I strongly recommend this app btw!) I do feel kind of pathetic that I’m trying to make new friends at this stage in my life, but it’s never too late to meet new people and make connections. Plus, the characters on Sex and the City didn’t meet until their 20’s/30’s 😉.

Have you had any trouble with your friends? Are you trying to make new ones? Comment below!



*names have been changed to protect the innocent. And myself, from a lawsuit.

This Has No Title

Insecurity is a killer. It’ll make you feel unworthy, uncomfortable, and uncertain.

My 4 years in high school were not the happiest of times. I had friends, even boyfriends, but I was still kind of regarded as one of the uncool kids. When I went to college, it was like being in an alternate universe. I was wanted. People wanted to hang out with me, I was invited to places, people noticed when I wasn’t there. I had a great friend group and I looked great.

Then came college gradation. I remember sitting on my bed back in my parents’ house, still in my cap and gown and knowing that nothing would ever be the same. As I spent the following year trying to find a job, I lost friends and gained weight. Not a winning combination.

I didn’t realize how bad my insecurity issues were until I went bowling with my family one weekend. Every time I would go up to bowl, I would worry that the other people in the bowling alley were making fun of my body, my outfit, and the way I bowled. I realized I couldn’t go on this way; it wasn’t healthy and I wasn’t enjoying life the way I used to.

It’s definitely been a struggle to feel more confident, but here are some mantras/affirmations I plan to use to help myself get better.

  1. I am more than my outfit or how I look that day.
  2. Who I am as a person is more important than how I look.
  3. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend.
  4. Just because it isn’t happening right now doesn’t mean it never will.
  5. You are not a reflection of those who could not love you properly.
  6. Things will work out for you.
  7. Who you are is totally and completely up to you.

What tips and tricks do you guys use when you’re feeling less than confident?



I Think I’m the One

If you’ve been reading my loves lost posts, you’ll know that I’ve been doing these because I’ve been single for a while. And when I say single, I mean single. I haven’t dated, “talked”, hooked up, or done anything romantic with anyone for about 2 years. While there are certainly times I certainly wish I was with someone (like the times I want to Netflix and chill), I’ve been pretty happy being single.

It seems like being single for any extended period of time for a woman is like a death sentence, and you’re destined to be an old hag, a spinster or a crazy cat lady. I’m only 23 and relatives often bring up how I’ll be getting married soon (to whom, I wonder). I’m not ready for marriage, and I’m honestly not even really ready for a long-term relationship at this point in my life. I’ve been so focused on getting my career started, and even after I’m settled with a stable job, I don’t see myself hopping into a relationship.

I want to LIVE. I’m not saying that people in relationships aren’t living, but there’s a certain freedom that comes with being single. If I decide I want to move to Peru tomorrow, I can do that. If I decide to dye my hair green, I don’t have to ask my significant other if he’ll like it. My life is mine and solely mine. There will be a time when I want to settle down, but for right now I’m fine being just me.

With that being said though, I wouldn’t mind dating. Dating as in, going out to dinner or to the movies or to a museum. Just kind of hanging out with someone (I’m aware of how juvenile “hanging out” sounds, and I’m sorry. Haha) I definitely don’t want to be a recluse, or someone who shys away from any kind of contact with the opposite sex, but I want to keep it casual. Men are often allowed this kind of freedom, but when a women says she doesn’t want anything serious, she’s suddenly “loose” with “no morals.” I reject this stance, and plan to live my life the way I see fit. And who knows, I could get into a relationship tomorrow. Life is funny that way.

Are you guys in relationships, or taking it slow like I am? Comment below!





I lost my ELF setting spray about 2 weeks ago, then my primer ran out. So for the past week I have been a sweaty mess, and last Friday when I came home and looked in the mirror my eyeliner had migrated down to my lower lids 😦

I went to a beauty supply store to get the NYX matte setting spray, but they only had the dewy one and Lord knows my oily self doesn’t need something to make me look even worse. So I picked up this setting spray by Absolute New York. I’ve never heard of them before but the saleslady recommended them and it was a bit cheaper than the NYX setting spray (5.99 vs 8.99).

I actually did an analysis of this setting spray vs the NYX setting spray, and the ingredients are nearly the same.


I actually got this idea of ingredient analyzing from Stephanie Nicole on Youtube (she does really great reviews of liquid lipsticks, you guys should check her out). The green items are the ingredients that are in the products in the same amount. The yellow are ingredients that exist in both products, but in differing amounts. NYX and Absolute NY have the exact same ingredients, but not in the same order. Does this makes one better than the other? I’m not sure.

Friday – I bought the spray on my way to work, and when I got there I went to the bathroom and sprayed it on my face. It felt REALLY nice. It cooled my face and made me feel refreshed. I definitely noticed that my makeup stayed on longer, and I had no eyeliner

Tuesday – I sprayed the setting spray on my face after I finished my makeup at home, and I again enjoyed the cool feeling of it. Mid-day, I did notice that my concealer had faded a bit, but that may be due to the fact that I didn’t use setting powder today.

Wednesday – I forgot to use the setting spray 😦

Thursday – I used my RCMA setting powder and sprayed my face before I left the house. My makeup looked good all day, but I was a tad oily. I was a lot less oiler than I usually am though, so that’s a plus.

Friday – Nothing out of the ordinary today. I put on less makeup than I usually do, and I looked the right amount of dewy, without being oily. (is this a sign I should be wearing less makeup? Or is there just better lighting at my second job? idk)

Will I upgrade to the NYX or L’oreal setting spray after I finish this one? Probably. But this setting spray does a pretty nice job, and it’s affordable.

I give it 3.7/5 stars.